Stupid, Crazy, Insane
by Feilyn
Summary: Most people would agree that it's a really bad idea to continue a relationship in war time, let alone start one. Nanao is one of those people, although that didn't stop from falling in love with her Captain. Shunsui/Nanao


_An actual proper Shunsui/Nanao one-shot! Something Bleach related that isn't a part of the Lost And Found series! My god, I'm breaking out! Lol._

_Here we go, then. This has been rattling around ever since I mistook Lisa for Nanao in -108. It may have been -107 though. :cannot remember:_

xXx

It was stupid – she'd been told. It was against regulations – who knew the rules of the Seireitei better than Nanao? It was insane – she knew that before she even entertained the idea. And she entertained the idea far before this war. Threw a party for it even, invited lots of guests and plied Matsumoto Rangiku with so much sake she kissed Kuchiki Byakuya. And Nanao _knew _it was crazy because Kuchiki Byakuya kissed back.

Unfortunately, it seemed that Nanao's hard earned knowledge had finally failed her, because despite all of the evidence pointing towards a large sign that read '**BAD IDEA**', capitalised and bolded, she'd gone and fallen in love with her Captain anyway. And because Nanao never did anything in halfway measures, she went and did it in the middle of a war.

She should have handed herself over to Fourth then and there to be locked up in one of those charming white rooms, but once Shunsui had a hold on her, it appeared he wasn't willing to give her up. Worse, it seemed that Nanao was even less willing to leave, which had to be a sign of serious brain malfunction right there.

So it was that Nanao found herself cradled in Shunsui's arms after being attacked by the Fourth Espada as she escorted Inoue Orihime across Karakura Town. She was feeling rather irritated, as all reports had indicated that both Schiffer and Shunsui had been somewhere on the other side of town. Of course, the gaping wound in her abdomen and the fact that she could no longer see straight was not helping the irritation either. She wondered briefly if there was some sort of report she could file about this sort of complaint before realising that was the stupidest thing she'd ever thought whilst injured and that she must have been going into shock.

"Protect Inoue," she ordered her Captain, who was fending off Schiffer with one arm, unable to even enter shikai while he clung to her. "Put me down, Shunsui." She couldn't actually feel the wound, which was a mixed blessing – she was starting to feel a little sleepy and surely the pain would have helped keep her awake.

"Don't be stupid."

There was a note to his voice that she'd never heard before, which was odd, because she thought she knew him inside out. Or was that outside in? She really was losing a large amount of blood.

"I'm being...practical...Shunsui." She blinked in surprise at her own breathlessness. "Inoue...is the key...to this...war."

"The rest of the escort already has Orihime-chan protected." His voice was tight, controlled, and she was certain she'd never heard him speak in that tone before. It was getting quite cold, she noted absently. "Apparently you didn't notice that we are making a retreat."

"Oh." She squeezed her eyes shut and opened them, trying to clear them. It worked, a little. "So... we are." The Espada still hadn't said anything, and it was more than a little unnerving. "You are...not...doing a particularly...good job of...it."

And he wasn't. The Espada were immensely powerful, she knew, and the reports coming in about this one were all bad. While she had no doubts as to Shunsui's ability to defeat the Arrancar, she was certain that he could not do it whilst holding her and an unreleased zanpakutō. "Put...me _down._"

"Nanao, I am _not_ going to leave you—"

"Jeez, you never change, Shunsui. A lady tells you to leave her alone, and you can't keep your hands off her."

Nanao noted sleepily that even Schiffer looked surprised at this new voice. It was the first show of emotion she'd seen from him since he first set eyes on Inoue and attacked.

She felt some of the tension melt out of Shunsui's arm and wondered why he'd relaxed so suddenly at the strange voice that sounded remarkably familiar, when a body flash-stepped in front of her.

Nanao recognised the body, considering it was hers. Dying was a very strange experience, she decided – because she was, of course, dying – leading to all sorts of odd feelings and hallucinations. Like at the moment, for example, where her body turned around and morphed into a very blurry mirror. Although that could have just been her eyesight. Either way, it was incredibly disconcerting seeing that level stare she directed at Shunsui so often in action.

"Lisa-chan."

It was even worse when she realised it wasn't her face.

"Get the kid out of here, Kyōraku. I can hold him off." And her face disappeared behind a mask. _Wasn't his old vice-captain called...?_

Nanao had always imagined that she would die alone, although in recent months that had changed to involve Shunsui at her side. Well, he was at her side now – or rather, she was at his – but somehow the overwhelming feeling of jealously that swamped her just before her eyes fluttered shut had not exactly worked itself into the way Nanao had intended to go.

xXx

She didn't die. Of course, with Inoue on the job it would hardly have mattered if she had. Being a vice-captain meant you got special privileges, including being brought back from the dead if your body was fresh enough.

Shunsui was asleep when she woke, large hands clasped loosely around one of hers. Carefully, she attempted to extricate the trapped appendage and succeeded, partially; her hand was free, but Shunsui was now awake.

"Nanao." His voice was a hoarse whisper, although she put that down to having just been awakened.

Nanao thought carefully over what to say. She would be rational about this. She would be understanding. At the very least, she would not turn into a raging harpy.

"I look like her," she blurted. Nanao didn't think she had ever blurted anything in her life before that moment.

Shunsui frowned. "Nanao—"

"I also sound like her. Even our glares are similar."

"You mean Lisa-chan."

It was awful, hearing him say her name, and she hated how awful it felt. She wasn't meant to be the one so emotionally involved here. She had _known _what she was getting into with Shunsui.

But...she hadn't thought she was a replacement. Of course the Seireitei had abounded with rumours for years about Shunsui's failed romance with his last vice-captain, but there had never been anything concrete and the absence of said vice-captain had left her with nothing to worry about.

Until now, that was.

"You choose me as your fukutaichō straight away without bothering to glance at the other applicants. You hounded after me for _years_ even after I rejected you, but the real clincher was all the high fives and 'he has a type!' remarks. I should have guessed."

There wasn't really much to say after that, she thought.

"I'd like to you to go away, please."

_Yes, please leave so I can sob quietly into my pillow and mend my broken heart._

But he didn't leave. She frowned, moving gingerly about so as to not disturb the wound on her side and to get a better look at his face. "Kyōraku-taichō, I asked you to—"

"Do you have," he said slowly. "So little faith in me."

It wasn't a question, which was a damn good thing, because Nanao didn't know how to answer.

She closed her eyes and swallowed, knowing how weak she must have looked. "I have to know..." Her voice cracked and she hated it. "I need to know if you chose me because I look like her. Please, Shunsui."

A large hand slid gently under her chin and reluctantly, she allowed her head to be tilted up, eyes opening to meet his horrendously understanding gaze. "Did you consider," he whispered softly. "That I chose you in spite of your similarities?"

Nanao blinked. "Lisa—"

"Was my fukutaichō," he overrode her gently. "And my lover." He admitted it without shame, as Shunsui was wont to do. That didn't make it hurt any less. "I trusted her implicitly, in much the same way as I trust you, yes, although with one difference. I loved her—"

"And you don't love me?" It nearly broke her to say it, but she had to choke it out.

Shunsui looked at her as if she'd stuck a knife in him. "I would have died for Lisa-chan. I loved her. She did not love me back, although I knew she was fond of me. And then she became a Vaizard, because of _my_ decision and was exiled. She asked me not to follow, so I stayed in the Seireitei, where I found you." He sighed. "It hurt to look at you in the beginning, Nanao, but your skills were such that they couldn't be ignored. My Division needed a fukutaichō and you were best suited to the job."

"But you couldn't escape our similarities."

"Nanao, I couldn't escape your _differences_. You...you are a flower with a steel core whereas Lisa-chan is ice and always will be. I fell in love with your personality, everything that makes you Ise Nanao; your physical similarities to a woman I once loved were more of a deterrent than any of your books of fans." And his hand was on hers again and she couldn't summon the resolve to move it away. "I would trade this world for you, Nanao. If it meant that Aizen was to win this war and the King of Heaven to fall, I would do it if it allowed you to be alive and happy. I would do anything for you, Nanao."

She knew that.

She did, she knew it and it terrified her because what had she ever done to deserve such devotion, except look like another woman he'd loved? What had she done to be worth more than a world to this man who didn't deserve to be accused of _not_ loving her?

"It is not a question of doing things to deserve this, Nanao-chan. Love is not an exchange."

How did he do that? How did he know what she was thinking at any given moment when she herself was having trouble putting it into words?

She looked down at their joined hands. "I'm sorry." Her voice was ashamed, near inaudible.

He laughed, that familiar low chuckle that always brought a smile to her face whether she willed it or not. "I think sometimes your brain moves too fast, Nanao-chan."

"It was probably more a case of it moving too slow in this case, Kyōraku-taichō." She lifted her free hand to hide her smirk.

"It's Shunsui!" he wailed. "My Nanao-chan is so mean to me!"

It was still stupid. It was still against regulations. And it was still absolutely crazy-insane. The difference now was that Nanao no longer cared.

xXx

_Jeez, I hate endings. This didn't turn out quite as planned, but I'm still undecided as to whether or not I like it. Review and lemme know, kk?_


End file.
